


Open Mouth, Insert Foot

by rapacityinblue



Category: Doctrine of Labyrinths - Sarah Monette
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-23
Updated: 2013-12-23
Packaged: 2018-01-05 16:27:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1096103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rapacityinblue/pseuds/rapacityinblue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ferrand Carey, the man least comfortable with open displays of emotion, is ordered by Vanessa Pallister to discover if her husband is sleeping with anyone. (And fix it, if he's not.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Open Mouth, Insert Foot

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jibrailis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jibrailis/gifts).



**Kay**

Had never encountered a pleasant place that housed a lighthouse; an I had, I would not have expected Grimglass to be one. The sea was cold at this end of the coast. Where the waves hit the rocks, an icy spray came up, sharp and stinging even near a league inland. The sea itself, Mildmay assured me, was no sight to lament missing. Grey, cold, and when it was still, bright enough to use as a mirror, which did me no good. Most likely where they got the name, though I never cared enough to learn. 

T'was also quiet. The population of Rothmarlin, Murtagh said, but spread over twice the area. A few stubborn souls made a home along the coast, but most lived in scattered towns inland. They'd little use for a warden, which was much of the problem. Allowed their head, had become stubborn, like an unbroken horse. Now each thought their system of management was best suited to the entire county, and none would entertain the notion of another. 

And so I spent a year easily enough, sorting out the tangles that Roger Pallister had left behind. Next were those created by Grimglass's virtuer -- Felix, as Mildmay had told me, was like a kitten learning to drink. Couldn't keep his nose out of the water, nor could he help but end up sodden with it. 

Made for a busy life, a luxury I hadn't expected again. 

The morning of Murtagh's arrival I spent with Julian, reviewing accounts from each of the dominion towns. Irregularities had ceased being common months ago, as it became clearer that incompetence and corruption would no longer be tolerated. As tasks went, t’was pleasant enough. I'd learned the knack of holding the numbers in my head, and no nasty surprises were waiting for me amidst the ledgers. 

The servant announcing Murtagh was a footnote in the activity. I heard the door swing and the man approach. Servants at Grimglass were not so soft-footed as they might have been. An it was in deference to their warden, I never asked and never was told. The man announced the Duke had arrived and was escorted to his chambers, and Julian's voice stilled in his reading. 

"You'll stay here and finish the task set you," I said, interpreting his hesitation. "This must be done, and you'll greet him properly at lunch." 

Julian relaxed, and returned to his work. I wondered if it were true, that Murtagh would prefer that to a formal reception, but it mattered not. He'd placed the boy in my care, and would have to live with the results. 

I let Julian go earlier than I would have otherwise, before we broke for the afternoon. Lunch, more ordinarily, was catch-as-can, a sideboard of cold meats laid out for the staff throughout the office. More often than not that included Mildmay, and Felix an he could be pried away from his scrolls and tomes. Dressing for formal dining was almost forgotten, with Vanessa in Esmer much of the year. I disliked the way the clasp of my collar pressed against my throat, the pressure tightening under my valet's fingers as he fastened it. 

Julian was faster than me to the dining room -- the benefit, I suppose, of having two functioning eyes and less dignity. The acoustics of the dining room were such that I could easily determine the whereabouts of everyone seated, Julian's voice having deepened ower than Murtagh's, though he lacked the robust tones of the duke. The layout was one I knew well. Favored it for that reason, and was able to cross from the doorway to the head of the table without assistance. 

"Kay." There was warmth in Murtagh's tone, enough to let me know that this was not a formal visit from the duke, but something else as well. I set it aside as I greeted him, for consideration later. Did not have to wait long. After eating, Julian left, and Murtagh leaned forward in his chair (interpreted the rustle of his dining coat thus), across the table separating us. "I've had a visit from Vanessa," he began. I waited for him to continue, my eyebrows up. She came back infrequently, having established a residence in Esmer on the allowance alotted in Roger's will. We got along well enough when she was here, but was no secret that the arrangement served both our needs better. 

"Does she complain of her treatment?" I asked. I could not think of another reason why she'd have gone to him, despite the family connection. Her social circle, I knew, was quite complete without needing to play on that. 

He was about to respond, before my question. Heard the hitch in his voice as he started to speak, swallowed the words before they were out, and readjusted. "No, not at all." He paused so long that I suffered a fleeting fancy. Was he passed out? A sudden, silent attack of apoplexy? His next words came jumbled, as if he found them distasteful: "She thinks you're in need of companionship." 

Could be no doubt what kind of companionship he meant. A startled bark of laughter escaped my lips. "Does she expect you to provide it?" My query earned another of his silences. 

"Kay," he said finally, "I know this was never a love match. But Vanessa is under the impression that you -- what she said to me, at least, implies that--" His poor, grasping search for words trailed off. 

"An you are asking whether I'm violet, Murtagh, had best come out and ask." I thanked what luck I had that Vanessa had not relegated her request to a letter. "Though you needn't have come all the way here. Am sure Isobel could have answered you." Gleefully. 

"She did confirm that Vanessa was... not out of line in her assumptions," He said. "That's why I came, actually." I waited. "Kay, I'm sure you see that there are logistical difficulties with you taking a lover." 

"Was not planning on it," I said, quite blandly. "Was my wife." 

"I know that. What I meant was, it would be better to avoid the appearance--" 

"--Why?" I interrupted him. "Am warden, not Lord. Am not expected to produce an heir." 

"It's a matter of honor," Murtagh said. "People will question your abilities." Again, I let silence speak for me. "It will raise questions about your suitability. I have Julian fostered here, and he’s still young enough--" 

"Am violet, Murtagh. Not a pervert." A cold silence fell between us. Murtagh groped for words, and in the distance I heard the slamming of doors, and Mildmay's unmistakable shuffling gait. 

**Mildmay**

I ain't never walked into a room that chilly, and after living most of a septad with Felix, that's saying something. 

The formal dining room cleaned up nice enough. I worked here with Julian, some days, when Felix didn't need me in the lighthouse and I didn't have work of my own to do. I was used to seeing the table piled high with ledgers and books, but I guess you could eat off it, you cleared all that away. The Duke and Kay were sitting about as far from each other as I figured they could manage and still be polite, and if it were just me I'd have turned myself around and walked right back out. 

But it weren't just me, and powers, Felix could still be an asshole when he wanted. "Oh, dear, are we interrupting?" 

Murtagh stood, and began, "Virtuer Harrowgate --" but Kay, who was still sitting, interrupted him right then. 

"Ferrand was just accusing me of various perversions," and he said it so sweet it made you want to look for where you'd already got stabbed. I'd thought it about Gideon and his tongue before I thought it about Kay, that he got himself written off as helpless on account of his eyes. And then he turned on you like it was nothing. Blind or not, he weren't shrinking. 

And then on my other side I had Felix. I didn't know what he and the Duke had between them, and I liked it that way. I figured there was about forty nasty things he could have said right then, because just that he was better about not taking his shit out on me didn't mean he wasn't still Felix. So I tensed up, waiting for it, and after a moment he said in the exact same butter sweet tone, "He, of all people?" 

And Murtagh looked at Felix, turning all kinds of purple, and Felix looked right back at him. I guess whatever was between them, it weren't enough to make Felix turn on Kay, which I guess meant he liked Kay more than I figured. Or Murtagh less. 

The poor duke, though, whatever he'd said you could tell it weren't meant for public consumption, and he was trying his damndest to save it. Finally, still standing, and with about as much dignity as he could muster, he muttered, "I'll see myself out." And you gotta give him credit for leaving and barely slinking at all, with all three sets of eyes following him right out. 

"I suppose I had better go after him," Felix said, musingly -- new word, and I hadn't had the chance to use it til then. Kind of dreamy, his hand running through his hair. It was getting long again. He was gonna need me to cut it soon. 

"Take a roll first," Kay advised. "Assuming you came here for luncheon." 

The rolls were Felix's favorite, wrapped around sausage and baked till they got real puffy, and if I was being honest I'd say maybe I liked them to. 

Felix grinned at him, a real five-alarm, and it was one of the best damn things. Because you could tell, you know, it was real, none of that Cult-of-Felix bullshit, and even if it weren't no way could Kay see it anyhow. 

And, you know, despite everything, I figure it said something about how they were both happy, even in cold and fucking ugly Grimglass. 

Anyhow, Felix helped himself to a roll, and when I went to follow him he wiggled his fingers at me and said, "Stay, you and Kay amuse each other." Which was bitchy, sure, but I'd take it over the fucking stairs in the main hall. 

So I sat down in the seat the Duke'd left, and grabbed a roll for myself, because I figured formal lunch was pretty well over. 

I didn't plan on Kay busting up laughing, but he did -- and once I figured that he was laughing and, you know, not bug-fuck crazy, laughed to. I guess it was more or less okay. 

**Felix**

Grimglass referred, alternately, to the dominion, the lighthouse, and the ancestral home of the lord -- or, in this place, his warden. It was what Mildmay called a "shitscrewed" system, but with practice, one became adept at knowing which was being referred to. 

The house, Vanessa told me with great pride, was of modern design, and only a few years older than his lordship. It had a receiving hall with a long, sweeping staircase, and the steps were set wider than an average stair. With my length of leg, it was fine, but for most Corambins it made for an uncomfortable stretch. It gave Mildmay no end of trouble, and I thought perhaps (given the ugly scene we'd walked in on) Kay was better not left alone. 

Besides, I highly doubted that Ferrand would want an audience for our discussion. I reached the third story of the house, the living quarters, in time to see a door halfway down the hall swing closed. I strode up to it without hesitation, knocking sharply. 

There was a moment in which I could practically hear the duke deliberating answering. Good manners won out over embarrassment. "Virtuer Harrowgate." 

"I think we're a bit beyond that," I drawled, dry, in what Mildmay would call my Styrch voice. I'd grown to hate hearing it come out of my mouth as much as he did, but there were times when it was terribly effective. 

Ferrand folded in on himself, and said, "Well, you might as well come in." 

We'd seen each other a dozen times since I'd been sent out here. A handful of those had, memorably, not been official functions. "I assume this is about Kay's choice of partners," I said, not bothering to dance around it. A straightforward man, I assumed he'd appreciate that. 

"I need Grimglass stable," Ferrand said. "It's a pain in my ass, dealing with complainants from every town, every month. These damn fisherman can't see any further than their own boats. It takes a delicate touch to get them to work together." 

"Which Kay has." We'd both of us walked into a mess when we'd taken our assignments here. Kay had done a much better job of sorting his out than I had.

"I need them to respect him."

"Which they do," I replied. "Do you really think that will change?" 

"It will when they find out he--" And again, Murtagh trailed off, his rage and confusion running abruptly into the wall of his own hypocrisy. 

Mildmay was much better at being gentle than I. My voice took on a distinctly mocking tone. "That he sleeps with men, or that he's a flame?" 

Murtagh flinched as if struck, but he was no less a fighter than Kay. "Are you fucking him?" 

I felt my own anger begin to burn, a frightening, intense rage that I hadn't felt in nearly two years. I gave him my best smile, one that could cut glass, perfected by years of jockeying for power in the Mirador, and channeled it into my voice like Malkar had taught me. “That’s what whores do, darling.” 

From a detached position, it was interesting to watch Murtagh. The man had none of a politician's reserve. Each emotion showed plainly on his face, a rage growing to match mine, just as quickly replaced by confusion and anguish as he crumbled. “No, you aren’t,” he said finally. “If you were, Vanessa would never have come to me.” I raised my eyebrows, but let my own anger go, taking the seat beside him. I did not touch him without invitation, although I might have, had things between us been different. He sighed. “I don’t suppose your brother --” 

“Mildmay likes women,” I said. And had no lack of them in Grimglass. 

“I thought maybe the way he defends Kay... He’s like a goose with a gosling.” 

“That’s just Mildmay with the people he loves.” Mildmay wasn’t here to hear me, but if he were, he’d blush. It didn’t make it any less true. “Ferrand. You sent Kay here because you believed he could do the job. Has that actually changed?” 

We both knew it hadn’t, and with the question posed to him directly, he couldn’t deny it. He tried, though, however weakly. “It’s a matter of perception, Felix.” 

“One Kay has dealt it his entire life.” 

I found myself rapidly growing tired of reminding him of things we both already knew, and was relieved when he said, “I ought to apologize.” 

“Yes,” I agreed. “But you don’t have to right now.” 

He looked at me, and smiled. I smiled back. 

**Ferrand**

I stayed out the halls through dinner, emerging for breakfast the next morning. In my notable absence, life at Grimglass had reverted to its normal pace. Breakfast was, I gathered, the most formal meal of the day, and only because it gave Kay a chance to meet with Felix and lay out plans for the day, Mildmay and Julian in attendance. 

Formal did not mean proper dress or servants in attendance, however. Sausages, bacon, plates of eggs, and some sort of grain pudding had all been laid out on the sideboard of a smaller salon, and the idea seemed to be that one simply took what one wanted and ate it at the table while all four men compared schedules. Felix and Kay, I gathered, both had the bad habit of double- (or, in Felix’s case, triple-) booking themselves, and the other two seemed convinced it was their duty to set things right. This, as far as I could tell, resulted only in a great deal of miscommunication and frustration for all involved. 

Still, when I entered the salon, the mood was cordial. Felix was explaining something to Julian that had the boy looking at him with an altogether too familiar expression, one I associated most unfortunately with Cyriack Thrale. I suppose that was inevitable, having sent both of them out here with so little companionship. Mildmay and Kay were politely, obviously, trying not to notice as they held their own mumbled conversation. Both speakers fell silent as I entered, and as there was next to no point in pretending it was not awkward, I did not try. 

“We were leaving,” Felix said, and stood, Mildmay a shadow behind him. Julian, who had become engrossed in Felix’s words and neglected his meal, made sounds as if to protest. I heard Mildmay’s cane connect with his leg, and winced in sympathy. The three made as subtle an exit as I believe Felix is capable of. 

“I owe you an apology,” I said, sitting in the seat Julian had vacated and helping myself to the bacon. 

“Have been told,” Kay responded. I felt heat rise in my cheeks, and though he could not see it, he laughed at me. “Have come to chide me for my behavior, but taken the biggest gossip in Corambis for a lover.” Which I could not argue with. 

Doggedly, I said, “Well, I am sorry. It’s no business of mine. I was shocked at Vanessa’s visit, not by what she confided in me, but by your relationship with her. It is different than anything I could hope to have with Isobel.” I ignored Kay’s snort. “I believe I was jealous.” 

“Isobel has never been easy to get along with,” Kay said. 

“You have a gift for understatement,” I said, though I appreciated that he, as her brother, had the right to say what I could not. 

But he was not finished. “T’would help if you were more honest with her.”

“Your sister is not an easy woman to be vulnerable in front of.” Rueful, in the face of his gentle chiding, I gave a shrug that I knew he could not see. 

“Might find it to be easier than you think, an you were kinder to her." I understood his meaning, though I had never done worse than raise my voice to Isobel. 

“It is hard not to expect the worst, but I allow that it might be unfair to her. You’re taking this remarkably well.” He was. Despite the fact that he had not accepted my apology, he had not made me beg, either. 

“Have been violet quite a long time.” He unintentionally echoed Felix’s words the afternoon before. I sighed. 

“I worry about Julian, as well,” I said.

Kay thought over my words for a moment. “Ought not to,” he said finally. “Julian is a more sensible boy than you give him credit for. And he is not violet.” 

“I thought -- the way he mooned after Felix...”

“Mildmay moons after Felix, and half the students in Esmer. Does not make them violet, though it does make me question their taste.” His sightless eyes focused on the door beyond my shoulder, and he smiled. It was not a large smile. It was small and private, much like he himself. But it was also not an expression I was accustomed to seeing. 

“You’re happy here.” I sounded surprised myself. 

Kay did not deny it. “Vanessa should not worry so much about me. You may tell her, should she call again.” 

“I doubt she’d thank me for it, though I will.” I refocused my attention on breakfast. “You ought to think about it, Kay.” 

He had been blind only a short time, and the habits of his life before still showed on his face. I saw a brief sadness pass over his face, before it was vanished, and I wondered who it was he thought of. But it was not, I thought, the time to ask. “Perhaps,” he said. 

We finished breakfast in silence.

**Author's Note:**

> Dear Jibrailis, 
> 
> Like you, I'm a huge fan of Kay and Murtagh's dynamic. I know your first choice was for shippy fic, but I really love how hard fought their friendship is. I didn't want to try and force something and give you a terrible fic, so hopefully this is good enough to make up for it! 
> 
> I also love Felix and Murtagh's *incredibly awkward* conversation at the end of Corambis. I wanted to build off that, because I love how terrible he is at dealing with emotion, and his own sexuality. One of the things I love about Kay is how accepting he is of his own sexuality, despite being raised in such a judgemental society, and think if Murtagh needs anything from their friendship, it's that. 
> 
> I also couldn't resist throwing a few hints at Kay/Mildmay in there, mostly because I'm a glutton for unrequited love. 
> 
> Anyway, I really hope you enjoyed your fic! Happy holiday and new year! 
> 
> Love, 
> 
> Your Yuletide Writer


End file.
